Childhood

i had a tough childhood..
brought up in a confuse situation 
where no one speaks the truth
with an excuse not to hurt my feelings 
or more importantly to me...
just purely being selfish for their own sake...

it was tough love situation...
i wasn't able to differentiate if the treatment was due to hate or over protectiveness..
most of the time 
i was left wondering whether the punishment was out of love or
purely hatred towards me

i was often left wondering whether they ever love me

all i ever wanted was to know was..
who my real parents were..
why did they abandon me..
why .. why... why and more why...

i never got the answer until it was too late..